To the law office of Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe:
Our legal department here at Acme Inc received your notice notifying of your intent to sue on behalf of Wile E Coyote. Consider this our response letter and our legal response on behalf of our client.
The DVD you provided of evidence of the failures of several of our products has been well revied by both this office and the corporate board. After those viewings, we can only conclude that your client is an idiot and his legal representation is made of idiots as well.
The video evidence does not demonstrate product failures on our part, but instead prove that all failures of our products used by Mr Coyote are clearly the result of his failure to adhere to posted cautions and warnings, his failure to follow directions, and his failure to use proper personal safety equipment. In every case, our products worked as advertised and the failures are due to his improper usage rather than product failures.
For example, the earthquake pills were clearly marked with a caution notifying the product has no effect on roadrunners. Another example is his repeated voluntary ordering and reordering of our anvils, which are demonstrated every time to be in compliance with laws of gravity. And a final example is his failure to follow the directions in our manual on “how to catch a roadrunner” which clearly stated to “dig a hole” not “jackhammer a hole”.
Therefore, we have no legal recourse but to state our intent to countersue for defamation should this lawsuit go forward.
Attorney at Law