On Absences, Apologies, Moves, and Nightmares

For those of you who still follow this blog, thank you. For those who have and have wondered about updates, I offer my apologies. Not sure why this didn’t get updated between February and April of last year. I’m going to offer depression and anxiety related distractions as an excuse. Otherwise, I don’t know what happened to updating those months.

As far as absences from April of last years to the present, keep reading. This will require a long explanation, which will follow.

A couple of times in the past I referenced a considered move. Because of some family health-related issues, my wife and I made the decision to move closer to her parents in Kansas. The packing began in April of 2021 and the move took place the first part of May. Moving is quite the chaotic event and everything is still not unpacked almost one year later.

Because of the move, we were able to be present as my father-in-law’s health worsened, which was a source of comfort for my wife. Unfortunately in June, he passed away. But I was glad she was able to be near him during his last days.

Fast forward through the summer and fall with job searches, unpacking, getting used to new surroundings, getting established with a new psychiatric team, and other things, the blog took a back seat to other things. Summer, Fall, and early Winter involved Art shows, Festivals, exploring areas of Kansas outside of what we called home.

Then in December my worst nightmare imaginable happened. My wife, Sheila Reynolds, passed away. She was experiencing a panic attack and some fainting episodes the weeks before her passing. On the morning two days before Christmas, she experienced another fainting episode and asked me to call an ambulance. When they put her in the ambulance to head to the local hospital, that was the last time I saw her alive. At some point between, the house and the hospital, her heart gave out.

After leaving the hospital later that morning, I started playing the Hellyeah song “Black December” on repeat and that’s how I got through the first 24 hours and the rest of December. (Thanks again guys for voicing the emptiness I felt that morning.)

A few books got me through the initial weeks of shock and numbness. Philip Yancey’s Where is God When It Hurts, C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, and Philip Yancey’s The Question That Never Goes Away: Why? were all instrumental in getting me though some of the darkest days and I highly recommend them to anyone experiencing grief, loss, or just stunned by the end of something.

Another thing that helped get me through some of the darkest weeks are the ASMR videos of Maimynyan:

and The Healing Room:

I highly recommend these two YouTubers if you’re struggling to sleep or even just relax. Both have helped tremendously. (Thanks Mai and Dee.)

The last three months have involved me just mostly going through the motions of being a functioning adult. I go to work when I’m scheduled and do my job, but outside of that I’ve struggled to produce art, paint miniatures, or even write. Most nights I experience nightmares and struggle to get more than three or four hours of sleep.

In a lot of ways, I’m still just going through the motions, but I’ve finally gotten where I can do things I like again. About a week ago, I cooked my first meal since December instead of surviving off fast food and snack foods. I started painting my first set of miniatures since before December, or at least the Mission Model primer. And I completed my first model kit since before December.

If you’ve been here a while, then you know my past struggles with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, and OCD. I’ve managed to make it through these struggling months, so far, without seeking solace in a bottle, thinking suicidal thoughts, or yielding to my obsessive impulses.

Have I full recovered? Oh God, no. In fact, I just experienced my first full night of sleep last night. (Thanks again Mai.) Hopefully that continues and I’ll try to keep this updated better now. I’m actually adding blog updates to my scheduled to-do list, so here’s hoping.

Clipart stolen from Clipart Library.

Some notes on U.S. military-based conspiracy theories

While your confidence and belief in the military is greatly appreciated by those of us who have served or are currently serving, expanding that confidence and belief into believing the military is capable of involvement in large scale conspiracies misses the mark in several areas.

First, you overestimate the ability of junior enlisted military members to keep a secret. Especially in this day of social media and selfies, if the military had aliens, ufos, troops on Mars, or caused an event like 9/11, there would already be leaks and selfies plastered all over social media of junior enlisted posing with all of the above. Any questions on this one, refer to Private Manning.

Second, you underestimate the ability of senior military leadership to complicate or even outright screw up the simplest set of orders and instructions. I once sat in a meeting where mid to senior level officers debated for several hours whether something was mandatory or suggested by AFI and DODI because the word “should” was used instead of “shall”.

Third, you grant too much competence to Congress to ensure that the DoD and the now six branches of the military have the money in the budget to pull something like this off. Major conspiracies require lots of training and planning. The military is constantly cutting manning, personnel budgets, and health care requirements to buy their latest and greatest toys.

Fourth, you believe chains of command between troops and leaders are clear and concise. With the exception of Trump’s constant tweeting for four years, the average troop would be hard pressed to name or identify the sitting President of the US. Depending on the unit, sometimes there are chains of command spidering out through five or six gov’t agencies or military commands.

Lastly, you believe that military plans are actually used for something other than to take up space in a binder while waiting for an inspection. Most military members involved in the plans and programs side of the military know that there are plans of engagement for just about any scenario you could imagine. However, the reality is most of those plans are on yellowing paper that have not seen the light of day since they were written.

Sadly, many around this country and the world from John Birchers to Antifa to Iranian gov’t officials believe that the U.S. military is participating in far reaching conspiratorial activities every day of the week. The reality is that most days, the members of the military are trying to figure out what they’re actually supposed to be doing and who’s actually in charge of them.

Clipart stolen from Clipart Library.

Inktober 2020 Part 2

October 5, 2020 – Blade

On Themis, swords come mainly in three varieties. The pirates have their blades, rumored to have originated in the Middle East before migrating to the Caribbean. The Vikings have their solid blades, crafted using a technique long forgotten and lost on Earth. The Knights Templar also have their own blades crafted to use the weight of the weapon as part of the attack’s momentum.

October 6, 2020 – Rodent

There is one species of rodent that is of particular concern to most of the space force. While not yet classified by name, it is well known by sight. This creature looks like a small gray mouse with red eyes. Those who have witnessed the creature in action have seen it eat creatures the size of a dog using a method familiar to anyone who’s seen a python.

October 7, 2020 – Fancy

Somewhere it must be written that senior officers must be a practically inept at anything that might seem as normalcy anywhere else. No matter where they go, where they might be, whatever they might be fighting, somehow they always have all the implements to host a formal dinner.

October 8, 2020 – Teeth

Teeth are a common find anywhere. Teeth the size of artillery shells were not common a sight for the members of the US Space Force until their arrival on Themis. They are usually found after the passing of the purple full moon. Some of the senior officers are of the opinion that someone should go look for whatever loses these large teeth. Most of the enlisted are of the same opinion only if those someones are the senior officers.

October 9, 2020 – Throw

The local trolls are capable of throwing spears the same distance that a local elf can shoot an arrow. The size of the spear makes this a troublesome fact.

October 10, 2020 – Hope

There’s something about a sunrise that speaks to hope. Whether it is the sunrise on Earth or a sunrise on Themis, there’s something about watching the beginning of a new day that gives hope.

October 11, 2020 – Disgusting

Wet environments breed disgusting things. Whether it’s just the muck and mud, or the things that might occupy said muck and mud, or the things that mix with the muck and mud, always have an extra pair of boots.

Inktober 2020 Part 1

October 1, 2020 – Fish

Being a pirate is easy. Being a pirate on Earth was easier. Being a pirate on Themis is really hard. Being a pirate on the losing end of an encounter with the ships of the Knights Templar, the Vikings, and the Elves is really bad. Surviving the encounter itself is not the bad part. Finding yourself in the Themis oceans with the fish is where things get really bad. On Earth, there were legends of something called angler fish that looked pretty scary. Here on Themis, the angler fish would be an improvement over the demonfish that occupy the oceans. Between the monstrous looks and the monstrous teeth and tentacles, the demonfish almost makes one miss the sharks of Earth.

October 2, 2020 – Wisp

Willow trees on Themis are the gathering spot of the wisps. When an elf dies, their spirit leaves their body in the form of a wisp. That wisp then begins a journey to return to the willow trees of the elven lands. The wisp has until sunset to return to secure its spot in the line of returning to life. Those wisps who fail to return to the willows are lost forever as the banshees of legend.

October 3, 2020 – Bulky

Trolls are bulky creatures. Being a magical mixture of stone and flesh makes one bulky by nature. The larger the troll, the bulkier it is. While trolls of Themis are known by other names on earth, from the largest to the smallest they are merely trolls on Themis.

October 4, 2020 – Radio

Radio was once the primary form of contact for military operations. While the term is still used, radio now refers to anything involving military communications from satellites to computers. Orders once had to transfer over radio waves to get from the headquarters to the troops on the ground. Now headquarters can deliver orders directly to the individual soldiers.