Since my last post mentioned bad days interfering with writing and art projects, I decided to focus this post on what my bad days look like.
Of course, since no two bad days are identical, I can only give rough overviews of how mine tend to go.
Three things tend to happen here: I wake up extremely early (before 7am-ish), I wake up extremely late (after 10am-ish), or I didn’t go to sleep the night before. Normal waking up for me is between 7am and 730am with or without an alarm.
After waking up, the fun of getting up begins. These are two entirely different processes. Waking up is I’m awake. Getting up means getting out of bed. It’s always hard to get out of bed, but even harder on a bad day. Part of the lies depression tells is that “you can’t screw anything up, if you don’t get up.”
Getting to work:
Since unemployment/self-employment is a normal part of my life, my work day begins with starting up the computer, checking messages, and either prepping a Word writing page or an art page (either on the computer or on my drawing table).
Some bad days that Word document may sit empty or only get a few word thrown in. The art project may still be a blank sheet after several hours of “work”. Other bad days, the Word document is deleted multiple times because nothing feels right when I reread it. The art project may now consist of multiple pages tossed aside, or started-and-stopped sketches over multiple pages in a sketch book.
End of the work day:
I may still be on attempt three of reading the same two or three paragraphs in one of the books I’m reading. I also may have spent three hours staring at the page and comprehending nothing of what I’ve read. Normally, I’ve got at least one nonfiction book I’m reading for research and one fiction book I’m reading for pleasure and research.
My main work breaks usually involve World of Warcraft gaming, Facebook stuff, or random internet browsing. On the really bad days, I accomplish almost none of them.
Other features of the bad days:
- brain fog where my brain feels like mush
- eating is either eating way too much all day long or forcing myself to eat the one meal I will eat that day
- random napping throughout the day
The really bad days have found me laying on the couch with Ancient Aliens or some other similar program that requires no critical thinking skills running in the background alternating with napping. Throw in overcast/rainy days or winter days and just about everything on the nonproductive side escalates.
Clipart stolen from Clipartmax.